Five Reasons WipeOut Is Great Television

So, a friend and I were party chatting over Xbox Live, and suddenly, I heard an explosion of laughter coming from my headset. This spurred me to ask an obvious set of questions: "What is the cause of all of this humor-related laughter that you are currently partaking in?", or realistically, "What the fuck are you laughing at?" He told me that WipeOut was on, so being the pain -loving person I am, I had to tune in. Now, I've always been a fan of MXC and its ridiculous commentary, but WipeOut was different. Here's why I enjoyed it:

5.) Obesity - For obvious reasons, the producers of the show chose a few overweight, unathletic human beings to participate. Now, if you can't tell that you need to be in shape, you're an idiot. They don't just give people fifty grand for nothing. It's always great to watch a winded, chubby older woman swing right into a wall or fall into the mud, though. Good call, guys.

4.) Commentary - While it isn't as ridiculous or funny as MXC, it retains the raw commentary. I love how they laugh and make fun of their contestants without all of the "Oh, everyone deserves respect just for trying" bullshit. I like to see broken hearts. What would a competition be without that? Not funny, that's for sure.

3.) Jill Wagner - I want to make sweet, sweet love to her...on the Spinner...under a waterfall. Yum.

2.) The Entire WipeOut Zone - Let's see. A giant fucking slide followed by a live action Donkey Kong re-enactment. Then we have a wall you have to navigate somehow to get to that Mexican Hat ride (basically). Did I mention you have to jump OFF of it too? Oh, but that's not the end. Lastly, you have to trampoline across a few platforms. I ALSO failed to mention that this is all around a shit ton of water, fire, and darkness. Great.

1.) The Sweeper - ....I'll let this one speak for itself. 

Note to blonde: Spend more time jumping and less time cheering yourself into mediocrity.